Perhaps in the realms of our dreams, we are always subconsciously aware of its unreality, which grants us "superpowers" so to speak, to somewhat bend the constraints of actual physics.

Within this dream I just had recently, there was an ancient looking switchboard, which I had logically deferred to replace or repair as a chore for later. But in this moment, I stopped to wonder, perhaps I should try it and see if it works. The moment I thought of it, I found myself turning the switch on, and it started to spark and smoke. The MCB was faulty as well. Turning it off also started to spark and smoke, but the main power didn't shut down. The sparks expanded over the switchboard which rapidly became engulfed in flames.

In the panic of thinking up rapid solutions based on logic, vis-a-vis whether to evacuate the house or whether to attempt at putting out the flames; I was also aware, that this wasn't real. It was just a pondering thought, that I should test the switchboard and it just happened, without the steps of precautions I would have taken otherwise before risking a test like that in reality. If that was so, then maybe I could rewind and reset back to the point, where I was just pondering. The moment I questioned if I could do that, I found myself exerting this force of energy through my body and into my mind, to pull myself out of the spreading fire, and I literally teleported back to a few moments earlier, finding myself standing in front of and staring at the dead switchboard.

The moment I realized I could alter time itself, I realized I was dreaming. And slowly swam back into consciousness, and woke up lying in my own bed. Freezing in the early morning chill of early winters with faint light of dawn filling up the room.

The residual sinking feeling and panic of being caught up in a fire, lurked around like a bad dream. Going back to sleep wasn't going to happen. Lying in bed I started to think about the brief moment of experiencing this "super"powerfulness that surged in my head, being able to reverse time, even if for a few moments.

What if dreams are perhaps windows to our existence in parallel dimensions. Dimensions where our lives took entirely different kinds of paths forking into the decisions we didn't take in our current dimension. Would that also mean we have the ability to affect the physical reality in those dimensions as well and not be passive spectators alone through these dreams? Perhaps possessing a higher ability to bend time and space, to rectify our actions in another reality, which otherwise we couldn't if we belonged to that reality.

By that logic, could that also mean, that some or most of the absolutely random events that take place in our current reality, which, even though make no sense whatsoever, they hold the power to entirely alter the course of causality— changes, which we don't have any control over; are perhaps a result of our alternate selves hailing from different parallel dimensions dreaming somewhere and accessing our current reality through those windows and taking actual actions based on their respective thought processes?

Although, the real mind-boggling thought is. When I dream, I am fully aware that the body I am in, it is mine and no one else's. It is my identity. The actions I take in my dream, they are my actions.

While on other hand. In most cases, when random unwanted events happen in a conscious current reality, even though logic says I had no control over it, somewhere deep down I would fault myself, over something I should have done differently.

When random favorable coincidences happen, where though logic says, that things just fell in place, but it was chance, it could have gone either way; somewhere deep down I know, I could have taken a wrong decision, and it wouldn't have caused the domino to fall this way. And feel lucky about the "hunch" or the right "gut feeling".

So connecting all this together, what if the entirety of our consciousness, the existence of our identity, spans all planes of realities? All the decisions taken by our alternate selves are perhaps caused by this super identity, with every iteration possessing some degree of higher control over each other, and even nudge them, affecting each other in dimensions beyond their own through this dreamspace.

Then the gestalt would sound like those iterative experimentations, where you run the same program with slight tweaks and iteration, to see the variation in results and studying and analyzing all these results together, points to a larger conclusion. What if this life is not absurdist after all, even if it feels so in this current iteration of reality? What if it's one of the many parts of a larger cumulative process, our actual super-identity is executing, running all these multiple simultaneous versions of its existence, trying to accomplish something? Or rather, discover something? Or resolve?

If such was the case. From the context of any one of our individual sentient selves stuck in an experimental iteration which we understand as our life; wouldn't such an experiment be fundamentally exploitative after all?

Alright. My joint is over now. Think I'm gonna crash. Goodnight. :-)

23rd October, 2019

30 something, trans* graphic designer from Delhi with many a things to be said, though much ado 'bout nothing