I seriously don't comprehend the Delhi BDSM scene. What is this stringent adherence to the traditionally normative Dom/Sub roles? As if BDSM is only equivalent to the dynamics between masters and slaves alone. I'm sorry but I don't identify as a sub or a slave. The idea of simply submitting your autonomy for no random reason but that you're just simply expected to; is fucking boring to me. Also, submitting your identity to that of a "slave" blurs the line between dominance and degradation (at least going by Delhi male mentality). I don't find humilation erotic and I'm clear about that. And if a dom crosses that line, I like to have some agency to protest it. That's why I identify as a 'Brat' which is one of the many varied roles in masochism.

Brats do desire submission. But they like to put up a fight and desire defeat. That is also a kink. They don't always play by the rules, they like to flout the expectation for obedience, a lot of times in the hopes of punishment (which can be far more erotic than bland orders and commands). Sometimes they like to be tamed and subjugated. At least they are being honest that they lack discipline and are open to be disciplined. In my case, I am aware that over the years I have built skyscraping walls around me and I am incapable of bringing it down myself. So yes, I do desire for someone else to bring those walls down and reach into the throbbing vulnerability that I am so haplessly guarding all the time, but at the same time I want it to be exposed and be liberated of it. I know that I have difficulty letting go of my control, that's why I desire to be brought under control.

But no. That's way too much work for the damn doms. Somehow it hurts their ego or pride, if a sub chooses to keep his own reservations on the table once in a while. They just want to sit back and be 'served'. But they themselves can't budge an effort to be deserving of that 'service'. It's bemusing how its just like the tops and 'pure tops' in the queer male sexuality; who want the bottoms to serve their asses on a platter. Jaise lund leke paida nahi ho gaye, to pata nahi kaunsa bada teer maar liya life mein. As if their cocks are God's gift to humanity.

I don't know, maybe its just me. Or maybe I was born at a wrong time and place. Or maybe I am unjustified in expecting some form of sexual equity. But it baffles me. Everyone agrees, that in regular dating scene 'The Chase' is the most exciting part. And that chase can be expanded to such great dimensions. Is it too much to ask for?

21 November 2015